As I sit on the stairs outside my home, listening to the wind and enjoying the sun warming my skin, I feel the urge to write. Some cars pass by but don´t disturb this moment. A nice cup of coffee and I am good to go.
From the beginning, as a child and a young woman I´ve always been artistic, dreamy, and creative, sensitive about praise and criticism, and it has been easy to play on my feelings. But fundamentally I have always known what I wanted and what I didn´t. My happiness was based on that.
Then love arrived and marriage followed. My thoughts changed from “me“ into “us“ or “him“ and I rapidly lost myself. Not that I blame him, because it was entirely my decision, but my life began to spin around him. I stopped being myself for a while trying to be a good wife and a great mother. Being a mum for the first time was a dramatic change for me, and while pregnant with my second child, I suffered postpartum depression which didn´t help.
Slowly I became unhappy. I thought my husband would see how I felt and know what I needed to become happy, without being clear or even telling him what I needed. And I didn´t even act on it myself. I thought of myself as the victim in this situation. Now I clearly see that I was responsible for my own life and happiness. But I was young and lacked the confidence and love for myself.
Now, you might think that my children were a burden to me, but no, not at all. I loved (and love) them deeply, and I always put them first but, I forgot one crucial thing, to take care of myself as well, to nurture the little girl inside me, and come back as a better version of myself. That was my mistake.
After the divorce, much later, when I decided to put me in first place and listen to what I wanted, the puzzle pieces in my life began to come together to create a picture…which was me.
I don´t live in regret or remorse of what I should have done or what I should not have. But if it can help someone, it has a purpose sharing this true story of mine.
Take time to take care of yourself!
“Take care. When we marry and have children, we sometimes forget to think of ourselves, putting everyone else in the foreground. Be careful not to lose sight of yourself in such circumstances: take care to take time out.“ - Hulda