Do you recognize the silence after an unresolved fight? The thick atmosphere that surrounds us as we leave the scene; unspoken words we dare not to say because we are so frightened of the consequences, that we´d rather wait later or maybe until forever to break that silence.
In many families, there are relations like this, a big elephant in the living room and that people avoid talking about and pretend it is not even there.
First of all, we need to understand that relationships are not a competition. Winning or losing should not be an option and the final goal should be a solution for everybody involved. Honesty and mutual respect is a good place to start where everybody concerned should have a say without being judged. The best way is to listen, really listen and hear the other person out. Then it is your turn. Sometimes it is better to wait for a day to talk to allow things to cool down if you know everything will fall apart.
This is what would happen in a perfect world, but people are different, have different backgrounds, different perspectives, and opinions. In the end, we could also agree to not agree and from that point, we could continue.
Remember that we are allowed to choose the people we surround ourselves with and we should choose those who are good for us. And sometimes we might need to cut off relations that are bad for us. Even a friend or a relative.
But how do we choose? From my perspective, it is the way I feel about myself
when he/she leaves the room. Do I feel good about myself? Am I full of energy and
happy or am I exhausted, ashamed, sad, or frustrated?
Some people just take and don´t give. The best way is to choose people wisely and access or limit whom you let in. You love a relative or a friend, but the best way is to have limited contact because he or she is not good for you. Having said that, I don´t mean that we should always agree on everything or have the same opinions about everything. It is allowed to argue and choose differently. Don´t forget to give people the benefit of the doubt. They might prove you wrong.
When time passes, I realize knowing myself a bit better, my strengthens and
weaknesses, I am more capable of dealing with situations like this. The calmness
has grown and listening to my heart is something that I always find helpful. Letting good people in my life is easier and becomes more natural when I am true to myself.
All my best, Hulda
“Solutions. Sometimes clashes between friends or members of a family can turn into bitter struggles which may be hard to solve. If we can all remember that winning is irrelevant in such cases, everyone will benefit!” - Hulda.
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